I am not Perfect Therefore I am not Saint

I have this kind of feeling again... SADNESS.
It seems like it's a big blanket covering me, it's hard to breathe, it's hard to move.
It's hard to pretend that I'm doing fine.

Again, something reminded me that... I am not Super Woman.
I don't have to power to conquer all the enemy. I cannot fight what's in my nightmare, I am a coward.
I am only human, I can feel pain, I get hungy, I got scared and I get tired...

I don't have the perfect look.
I don't have the long straight manageable hair. I don't have fair skin, I have lots of scars.
I don't have the perfect body, I have flat chest, big tummy, not so big butt and doesn't have the most gorgeous legs.
My teeth is not perfect and white and shiny, they pop out going to different directions.
My nose isn't perfect either, and my eyes are going blind.

I can smile in front of the others but behind the smile is a grumpy old lady in me.
I can tell you I'm OK and yet I am bleeding inside.
I can say I don't mind but inside I am counting the times you have hurt me.
I can say I wanted to be alone but in reality I just wanted you to hear me.
I can say I already forgive you, but I still feel pain and sadness whenever I remember what have you done me wrong.

I don't think it's Mid Life Crisis, isn't it?

I really wanted to move and be happy.... be truly happy.

I am thinking that maybe going back from my past will help me figure out the reason why I feel sad and sometimes lost.

Before moving on, I have to look back and figure it out.

Hope you guys can help me figure things out.
'Til next post....


Love lots,
Poclay